I miss when this site was completely about penpals

Why is it everytime I can face the mirror and think; OK I'm not bad or, goodness forbid, I'm beautiful someone messages me something that tears me down. No introduction or anything just a belittling statement of how disgusting I am. Why are people like that? Does it make them feel good to try and make someone else feel small?

Happy Easter weekend, you lovely people. Hope it's blessed.

I could draw him if I were an artist.

He haunts my mind like a ghost.

He’s the only one that is not a demon from my past.

Everyone else has a familiar face

A friend, a relative, monsters from my past.

I could draw him if I were an artist

I see him sitting across from me

His long dark fingers moving chess pieces

I could draw him if I were an artist

I can see him standing before me

Hand out, drenched in rain

Coaxing me to dance,

I could draw him if I were an artist

Dancing with me

Drenched in the rain

A precious memory overwritten

Replaced by someone actually loving me

I could draw him if I were an artist

Strong and to hold

Firm muscle only giving to my softness

The dragon over his shoulder watching, protecting

I could draw him if I were an artist

The blurry vision seen through sleep clouded eyes

Opening them slightly

A warm blanket pulled over me as I doze

I could draw him if I were an artist

The look of worry

Tears stinging eyes

Waiting for doctors results

I could draw him if I were an artist

The look of joy of the unexpected

Finding new things

Building a bigger family

New experiences, together

I could draw him if I were an artist

Year after year

New lines on his face and hands

Color in his strength, supportiveness, care

I could draw him if I were an artist

Though he exists only in dreams

A figment of my imagination

Yet my heart screams

I could draw him if I were an artist.

Struggling today. I know I will never be beautiful but I wish I could still find someone to care for me. I am lonely and disappointed in the fact that I can not get someone to stay interested in my longer than a handful of conversations.

Outfit tryouts for the last date I got stood up for. Ended up in jeans and t with hair and makeup of course.